OUT OF PRISON

OUT OF PRISON

 Jericho was shut up tight as a drum because of the People of Israel: no one going in, no one coming out.

Josh. 6: 1

The above story is a very striking story relevant to the issue we intend to look at in this edition. This story is a case of self imprisonment based on experience or hear say. In chapter 2: 11 of the same Joshua, we would hear a woman of Jericho confessing to the spies that they have heard what happened to the nations and cities before them. It is based on what they heard happened to the other people that they took a decision which I consider imprisonment. It is very important that we learn a few facts here; two people can be looking at the same thing and see differently. Two people can listen to the same sound and hear differently. Someone reported to me how the sermon she heard on a preacher was awful, baseless, scandalous and senseless. I then asked someone else who was at the same meeting what the sermon was all about and he told me how wonderful, powerful, refreshing, encouraging and impacting it was. Same sermon, same time, same place, same preacher but different hearers. Same applies to us in almost every facet of life. Hence, it is baseless to judge or conclude on an experience we ‘expect’ to have by the experience someone else had.

I know many young people who in a way have also “imprisoned” themselves in certain areas of their lives judging by their experiences when they were growing up. Some female folks won’t open up to any man because they don’t trust any man. “All men are the same”, they conclude. But how wrong they are. That they were unfortunate to have had a first experience with the wrong man does not mean all men are like that neither does it mean that if the first relationship was wrecked, all others would wreck the same way. It is not enough to justify your actions by one bad experience you had. All these would really count in matters of relationships.

A lady I know whom I would really NOT describe as unfortunate had had three bad relationships that ended in very ugly circumstances. She drew the curtain and concluded that all men are the same. She never trusted any man again. While talking with her, I learned that the mother too had had failed marriages, so it became almost impossible to convince her that there’s always a two side to a coin. For this lady, it was a combination of both experience and ‘hear say’ that sealed up her fate. Cracking her was like blasting a granite hill with a weak dynamite. Well, thank God she was set free eventually.

Some children arrive at a weak conclusion from the experience their parents suffered. A little girl growing up who would watch her mother being battered by her father or step-father may grow up having phobia for men in general and may not want to marry because, as it were, “that’s how all men are”. There is a strong need for those who are caught in this delusive web to have a change of mind.

We are all products of our backgrounds and upbringing. “Except there’s a reorientation, we are bound to believe the path we are on is the only path or our life style is the best. What we were taught, experienced or observed while growing up tend to fuse into our sub-consciousness making us accept them as a way of life. A young man once told me, when I confronted him as to why he should be beating his wife, that he didn’t see anything wrong with it because even his father did the same to his mother. He has come to accept that ill as a normal thing to do. He had seen his father did that many times and had reached an agreement with himself that it was normal to behave that way. Thank God he became sober and changed after he was told it was abnormal to act that way.

Don’t shut your doors to opportunities simply because you have had some bad experiences or faulty starts. Remember always that the beginner is not the runner, but he who runs well and brings it to a successful end. You may have failed seven times, be bold enough to rise again. That your mother had failed marriages does not seal up your destiny that you must fail as well. Don’t judge all by the actions of a few. It is self-imprisonment to believe that nothing good can ever come out of any situation because you have had bad experiences. Your first experiences in relationship may have been unfortunate. That doesn’t put paid to the thinking that they will all go that way. There’s always room for a make-over. You can always start all over again. That your first experience was a rape shouldn’t imply that life would always hand you a crisis situation. If you toss a coin a few times and it landed on same side; don’t conclude that there is just one side to the coin. The fact is there are two sides to a coin. Toss again. It is fear that wouldn’t let you trust and plunge in again after a bad start. But fear has torment; remember? It is fear that would stiffen you and keep you bound to a sport when the world is full of endless opportunities.

I’ve always learned that these two sentences are usually difficult to say: “I’m sorry”, and “I was wrong”. For the same reason also, many may not be able to say “help me”, and “I love you” sincerely and in honesty except a few who have conquered ego. Pride is a monster: a very wild one for that and yet very sleeky and subtle.

Why would I not want to accept I’m wrong if I am except that, I have blown by ego out of proportion? To be wrong in a fight, quarrel or an argument and refuse to accept your fault exposes your weakness rather than put you on a positive side. It takes strength to crack the shell of pride. And, if it is so difficult for a man to accept his fault when he is wrong, who will dare tell him to initiate the move to let peace reign when he is not to blame in a scuffle. I believe very strongly that it’s just one of the several schemes of the devil to waste man’s very precious productive time on baseless and unfruitful, time and energy draining malicious exercise when he turns your attention to yourself making you see reasons why you shouldn’t condescend to apologize, accept your fault when you are wrong or be the first to initiate a peace move.

Think about this; ‘a stitch in time saves nine’ they say. If you resolve any misunderstanding between you and your spouse or any body you have a quarrel with right there and then you save and conserve energy and time to be put into useful and purposeful exercise that will benefit you. Don’t let the devil steal your precious moments. Spend your time gainfully.

Man of honour, after a quarrel with your spouse – be the first to initiate the move to resolve the problem. She is called the weaker vessel. It takes strength to say “I’m sorry”. That’s why you are a man of honour. Have you noticed that every time you have an unresolved quarrel with someone very close to you, a part of you feels sick for as long as the malice last? No wonder the bible says “don’t let the sun go down upon your anger”. Resolve it immediately and free yourself.

There is what is called the Root of Bitterness. It is borne out of unresolved misunderstandings and leads to restlessness, hatred, loss of peace and joy and ultimately to sickness that are often undiagnosable and without cure. As long as the malice last, you are in chains of bondage. You lose concentration and are unhappy and bitter. Why suffer all these when you can damn every ego-centric attitude, damn the devil and his schemes by reminding yourself how important and glorious your destiny is to you and can not be traded for any self-esteem or ego.

Have you also noticed the peace, joy and freshness you feel when you make-up with a close one after a long break of malice. That’s what you lose to the devil or the enemy when you lay hold on your ego and insist on your ‘right’ when you can actually lay it off, throw it behind you right there and move on into a harmonious and productive future with your life.

Think about how the world will be like if no body waits for the other person to initiate the peace move but takes the initiative whether he is right or wrong. Let’s make this world a better place for us to live in and for those around us, if not for what we make out of it but at least for the fact that we are in it. Be the man because you are the man.